Don't ever say Never

I believe everyone has a soul mate; everyone has a chance at finding love. Everyone, but me...I look everywhere and see people with other people; Laughing, smiling having fun. While I stand here and envy everyone who has someone to share their life with, that they have someone they can come to, and have someone that makes them complete...I envy what others feel when they are with their special someone; That feeling that they are cared for...being wanted...that feeling of being...Loved.

I walked down the hall to the familiar cafeteria I was so happy to go to last year. But a lot has changed in the past year, and instead I felt lonely and scared. I entered through the doors and looked around. People...people with their special someone...I felt it again. The strange feeling I get when I want something I know I can’t have.

I walked around the cafeteria for about 20min. then gave up. I sat my stuff on the floor near a wall I was standing by and was about to sink to the floor when I saw him. He was sit there with a friend of mine. Why didn’t I notice my friend sitting there? I guess I was too busy with my search of finding something I would never find.

I grabbed my stuff and walked slowly, wondering if I should approach the table that had my friend and him sitting there. It was too late my legs carried me so far that my friends spotted me and waved me over. I had to go the rest the way now.

I stood there, doing nothing, saying nothing. I couldn’t think straight. What was wrong with me? It was only my friend. He looked up from talking to the guy sitting across from him.

“Aren’t you going to sit down?”

My friend said questionably. Sitting; maybe that’s what I need. I slowly sat down on the chair next to my friend. He looked at me like I was from a different world. Maybe I was...maybe that’s why I haven’t found what I’ve wanted for so long.

He shook his head at me and started to talk to him again. I looked up at him and he was looking at me. He moved his eyes away when I looked up. At first I wondered if it was a trick of light. I guess it was because there was nothing over in my direction to look at.

The bell rang then and I didn’t move. My friend asked me if I was coming. I don’t know if I was so I sat there debating of whether I should move or not.

“Okay ignore me fine, I’ll see you later.”

He sounded annoyed but I didn’t care. I was trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I felt every time I looked at him. I looked up then. The cafeteria was near empty and I got up. I walked slowly towards the doors looking down at my feet. Watching one foot after the other, someone was beside me. I could sense it. I looked up from the ground just then, it was him. He was staring at me. But not in the way my friend had. He stared into my eyes.

At first I wondered if I was dreaming and if I closed my eyes and opened them again, that he would disappear. I did just that, but when I opened them he was still there. I stopped. He stopped too. I looked at him and starred back into the softness of his brown eyes.

“Don’t you have to get to class?”

“What class are you headed to? He answered my question with his own.

“English, I have English in the upstairs hall.”

“Good, so do I.”

He continued to walk but I just stood there. He stopped and looked back at me. Then he smiled. I didn’t know what to do. I felt paralyzed. My knees felt weak and I could barely breathe.

“Are you coming?”

His voice was like sweet frosting on top of a cupcake. I nodded my head and forced my legs to move. I was next to him now and he continued to walk. I walked beside him. He walked as though nothing in the world could hurt him. Like he’s seen it all and that nothing could affect him.

We were upstairs in the English hallway. He was in the hallway next to mine so we split. But he turned around and caught my arm then. I turned to look at him with a puzzled look on my face.

“Wait for me after class.”

He let go of my arm and walked the short distance to his class and entered it before I could even blink. I walked to my class in a daze. It was a wonder to me how I made it in time. It felt like an hour had passed since lunch ended. I walked to my desk and sat down. I looked around and what half scared me half surprised me was, everything looked bigger and bright. Everything looked more vivid and real. How could that be possible?

Class began and I did everything at my own pace. I wondered how I got my work done because the bell rang then signaling the end of school. I didn’t really remember doing any of my work let alone doing really anything in that class.

I did what I was told. I waited in the spot where he told me to wait for him before I went to my class. He came around the corner and my heart skipped a beat. It’s never done that before. Was there something terribly wrong with me? Was I getting sick?

He came up to me and gave me a smile that made me catch my breath. I looked into his eyes and found that I couldn’t look in them anymore than a second. I looked away. He walked towards the stairs and I followed. We walked side by side, not touching once, down the steps.

When we went through the doors to the outside he had put a pair of what looked like very expensive black sunglasses on which made my stomach do flips. He walked to his bus I thought; instead he went passed it going to mine. He stopped in front of it and he turned to look at me.

“Do not share this with anyone but yourself. You and only you are allowed to read this.”


He handed me a piece of folded up paper and with that he walked away. I looked at the folded paper in my hand. I don’t know how long I stared at it before my friend had to snap me out of my trance.

“Hey, Jonah? Hey! Jonah! Buses are about to leave.”

I looked up and noticed I was the only student besides my friend in the parking lot in front of my bus. I stepped on the bus and sat next to my friend. The paper still in my hand.

“What’s been up with you today? You don’t seem like yourself.”

Myself...I didn’t know myself well enough to know what I regularly acted like. The rest the bus ride was silent. My music in my ears I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the seat.

The bus rolled to a stop in front of my house. I got up and walked down the aisle down the steps.

“Don’t fall down the steps!”

It was supposed to be a joke. My friend always said that before I reached the steps of the bus. But this time I don’t know, it made me mad. I turned and glared at him. His eyes got all wide like a gun was pointed in his direction. That satisfied me enough so I straightened my face out and got off the bus.

In my room I couldn’t help but think of him. His smile, the mysterious way he acts. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being stupid. I realized I was still clutching the folded paper in my hand. I looked down at it and noticed my name in a writing that was barely legible. It had my name then underneath it had “From: Laurent C.”

My heart began to race. I opened the paper halfway when I discovered more writing. “Jonah I wrote this for you, please don’t share this wish anyone else...” “P.S. sorry about my handwriting, I was on a roll. =)”
That made me smile. I opened the paper the rest the way to reveal a song. It was one he written himself; for me. A song from him to me. How could this be even possible?! I read it over 3 times before I realized it was true. It was for me and only me.

I folded it back up and held the song up the my beating heart. I couldn’t help them. The tears just rolled on down my face onto my jacket. I wiped them away quickly. Why the hell was I crying?!

That night in the middle of my homework I was thinking of what I would say to him the next day. Then they hit me. Like rain hits the ground words were forming fast in my head. I stopped doing my homework and wrote them down on a piece of paper.

By the time I was done it was a song. It was an actual song I had written out of feelings I thought I never had. I started to realize slowly that I was feeling something never felt in my life before.

I rewrote the song neater and folded up the paper. Then I got on Microsoft word and wrote 2 poems. They were pretty long. I rewrote these as well and then I also folded them up. I put them together and taped them close so they wouldn’t open up and tell the secret I put in words on paper.

“I hope it’s not too much too soon...” I whispered to myself.

I wasn’t sure how long I was awake or when I went to bed. But I woke up to the annoyance they decided to call an alarm. I got up out of bed and shut it off. Rubbed my eyes and got dressed. Went down stairs took care of coffee for my mom and took the dogs outside for a couple minutes. I got back in the house and grabbed a pack of cinnamon roll flavored pop-tarts.

When I finished the first one my stomach was acting up so I saved the other one. Brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, freshened up and threw on my jacket, grabbed my school back put my school things I needed in it and went downstairs. I had written my mom a note telling her everything I did and that she should have a nice day.

The bus didn’t take long to come, I didn’t go anywhere without my music. It was playing “Falling for you” by Colbie Calliet. I don’t know why but the song meant something to me. It was more than words in a song sung by someone else. And I thought I knew what I was finally going through. I was falling for him. I was falling for Laurent Cade.

My bus came and I got on, sat by my friend and put my head down. I felt so light headed by my realization and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before hand.

When we got to the school; I found myself looking for Laurent. He was leaning on a wall talking with some of his buddies when he saw me. He made a little wave to his friends and walked over to me.

My heart quickened and I held my breath. He was so beautiful, so graceful. How could someone as amazing as him go for a girl like me? I wondered this and didn’t realize he was talking to me...

“...I don’t know, did you like it?”

“Huh?”

“The song, I’m sorry, I guess it was too early to...”

My eyes got huge and I started to stammer and get all loud like I do when I try to make people believe me.

“NO! no It was beautiful, I love it! It was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me, no one ever wrote me a song before...”

I grew extremely red I felt the heat burning my face, I think I said too much, but he didn’t seem to mind though, because he gave me his to die for smile.

“Hey, I’m glad you liked it.”

Then his face changed, he looked so...different. I’ve never seen him so...beautiful, so...wow...words could not describe the way he looked. He leaned his shoulder on the wall lightly like it took no effort at all. He looked at the ground then when his eyes reached mine I couldn’t take it...I didn’t realize I was holding my breath; I fainted.

When I woke up I was in the nurses office Laurent sitting in a chair by my bed. I opened my eyes the rest the way and looked at him and smiled.

His head was down so I reached out and cupped his cheek in my hand. He looked up and his eyes were red and puffy like he has been crying. He put his hand over my own and leaned his head in to my hand a bit. I smiled again and he looked at me.

“I’m sorry...”

“For what? I was the retarded one and didn’t realize I was holding my breath!”

I laughed a little and he gave me a small smile but he still looked upset.

“I’m serious it’s okay, I’m fine, you just...I don’t know, you have an effect on me that I never felt before.”

He raised his head a little higher.

“I...I have an effect over you?”

“Yeah, why the hell do you think I fainted?”

I laughed again and sat up a little. My head kind of hurt but not enough to stop me from getting out o the bed.

He got up offered his hand. I took it. His hand was big compared to mine and it was warm too. He helped me walk to the nurse. She looked up and smiled.

“Ah, you’re finally up.”

She smiled at me and then finished writing what she was writing.

“Okay I need to do a few things before I can let you go.”

She did so weird test with her fingers making me follow it and shining a light in my eyes. She also asked me weird questions like if I hurt anywhere, what my family’s names were and my own name and some other silly questions I knew all the answers too.

The nurse looked satisfied. Then a bell rang. I looked at my watch and it was the end of the day. It was just 2 block the last time I remembered! I turned to Laurent.

“How long was I out?!

“Five in a half hours.”

He looked upset again. I took his hand then and made him look at me; look in my eyes.

“It’s not your fault, will you stop beating yourself up over something that I did to myself?!”

He squeezed my hand but I didn’t stop starring. For a second I thought I couldn’t stop. But he looked away and thanked the nurse.

We were just about to walk out when the nurse told me she wanted to talk to me for just a minute.

“I’ll be outside.”

He walked away and I looked his way until I could no longer see him.

“He really cares about you, he refused to go back to class after he ran you here.”

“He...he didn’t want to leave?”

“No, he said he had to make sure you were all right. He didn’t leave your bed side once.”

I smiled really big...and I felt my heart beat faster at what I was just told. She continued.

“He really loves you; he’s one of a kind.”

“What?! Love?? What are you talking about?”

The nurse laughed.

“Calm down Jonah, it’s nothing to freak over about. I thought you knew? Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend? No, I...I like him, I mean I really do like him, but...I...I never knew he felt like that for me...”

She smiled and pointed towards the door and I turned around. Laurent was leaning his shoulder on the opening of the doorway. I blushed a hundred shades of red.

“Did you hear everything?”

He nodded and walked towards me. He wrapped his arms around my body and held me close to his body. We stood there for a long time until the nurse told us we had to go and the buses had already left.

“OH MY GOSH!! I missed the bus how am I...”

“Hey it’s okay the nursed called your parents and she said that I was going to be taking you home okay? As far as they know you’re still unconscious.”

He smiled and draped his arm over my shoulders. We walked out of the nurse’s office after thanking her for everything.

We reached his car and he held the door open for me. I got in and buckled up and he was behind the wheel. Laurent backed out and drove away from the school towards my house.

My house was pretty close to the school; walking distance actually. He pulled over a little ways away from my house turned off the ignition. He looked at the steering wheel then he turned to face me.

“I really do love you Jonah.”

I looked at him; looked into his eyes. They told me something, but I couldn’t quite figure out what is was. The he leaned forward and his lips met mine. I parted my lips as did he. I put my hand on the back of his neck and he slowly cupped my cheek in his hand.

The kiss lasted for a long time. Finally we pulled away but not willingly. We both were breathing hard, trying to catch our breath.

He was staring at me the whole time...finally once he regained breath he opened his mouth.

“Let’s come to an agreement...we are now going out...”

I looked at him. I couldn’t help it I pulled him towards me kissed him, pulled away and said,

“I love you too Laurent Cade.”

I raced out of the car and ran to my drive way all the way to the front door of my house.